


Unexpected

by astoriaphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol/Drugs Referenced, Homophobia, Multi, Violence, coarse language, crude humour, discriminatory slurs, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-05-29 23:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6399262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astoriaphan/pseuds/astoriaphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell is practically a brand name at his new high school, no thanks to his psychologist mother and technology trading step-father. He has all sorts of rumors started about him, all complete lies of course, but when a quasi-goth, Tool loving boy called Phil Lester and Dan collide; an unusual relationship blossoms between the two, and Phil learns that not everything is quite as it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: violence

Chapter One

 

            The snow was melting on the hills surrounding Dan Howells home. He was in bed, listening to Moonlight Sonata with the lights off and the window open, being lulled into trance by the quiet falling rain. He took a deep breath and let it out again, he knew he would have to face his new high school tomorrow, but he didn’t feel like ‘new’ was an appropriate word, after all, something new is supposed to be good isn’t it? Besides, this school was eighty years old. Not even coming close to new. He heard his lips open, his jaw had fallen slack under his eyes, he was tired, drifting in and out of sleep. Then he remembered that his father was coming home that night. Certainly he would not be pleased to find out his eldest son hadn’t left his room for 48 hours. Not even to the bathroom, the perks of having an ensuite. He pushes off of the bed and squints in the dark to find the door. It swings open easily, and nearly hits his younger brother, Alex, in the face,

            “Thanks a ton you prat!” Alex says, averting his eyes back to his cell phone, Dan scoffs and walks downstairs.

            His mum was cooking in the kitchen some sort of stir-fry. Whatever it was, it smelled good. She was humming a quiet tune and adding spices to the pan that was making loud sizzling noises. Her long, wiry brown, hair was pinned back with a black claw clip, exposing the back of her neck which was peppered with freckles,

            “When does he get home?” Dan asked, she turned around, brown eyes warm,

            “About ten minutes. Would you set the table for me sweets?” She asked, using the mortifying nickname she knew Dan hated. He cringed and took the placemats from the drawer.

            The round table was now set with red ceramic plates and crystal clear cups. Most people would day that the Howell family was rich, but Dan liked to utilize the word ‘successful’, when addressing his family fortune. He sat down on a spinning stool next to the stove and tasting things for his mum, and this was how he liked it. Dan’s dad wasn’t really his dad. His mum married him when Dan was seven, then they had Alex. Dan’s real dad was nowhere to be found, and he missed when it was just mum and him.

            He heard a beep from their alarm system, and a closing door. Tension filled the air once he say his balding stepfather. He smiled at Dan, and Dan smiled back, but he didn’t enjoy to be in the presence of his father, he would say low key sexist things. All of the time. Alex ran down stairs, a huge grin on his twelve year old face,

            “Dad! You’re finally back!” Dan didn’t know why Alex made such a fuss when their dad came back, he goes on business trips almost six times a month. He was a businessman in some kind of computer Software Company, and their highest bidders were in Dubai,

            “It’s good to see you love.” Their mom said, pecking her husband on the cheek,

            “What’s cooking wife?” Dan tried to compose himself, but every time he called his mother ‘wife’ he wanted to throw salt into his step father’s eyes,

            “Chicken stir fry.” She smiled, that closed lip smile that you do when you want to be polite. Dan’s dad made a sort of disgruntled noise and followed Alex to the dining room.

            Dan stayed in the kitchen and helped his mum, he knew that she wasn’t happy with her husband sometimes, but Dan assumed she stayed for the long haul, because in all honesty he wasn’t a terrible person. He just wasn’t the best.

            Ten minutes later, and the whole family was sitting around the table. Alex was ravenous, gobbling down the supper and multiple bread rolls. Dan was sheepish with his food, not wanting to make a mess of his face, unlike Alex. Their mother and father looked impatient, as if they had news to share,

            “So, new school for both of you tomorrow, how are you feeling about it?” Dan nearly rolled his eyes, their mum was a psychologist, so she was always asking how they felt about things,

            “I’m not that nervous, every school has the same people.” Alex said, which hurt Dan’s feelings, he seemed too young to have that type of mindset. Then again, this was the tenth school they’d been to,

            “I’m ready.” Dan simply said, and his dad grunted, Dan shot him a look that he unfortunately saw,

            “What?” He said with a mouthful of food under his tongue, a pea flew from his mouth and landed in the center of the table, Dan simply stared down at the placemat under his plate, shaking his head. His dad scoffed and they continued to eat.

            The tension was so thick that Dan wanted to reach out and grab it, cut it up with his knife and fork and eat it away. Thankfully, his dad finishes his food, complains about jetlag, then goes upstairs to presumably, wank or sleep. Hopefully the latter, Dan thought, trying not to smirk. Alex pushed around his food on his plate for a few minutes, then excused himself. Dan’s mum sighs,

            “It’s okay, it’s probably just because he’s not used to being home so quickly, he’ll be better tomorrow.” Dan told his mum, trying to lift her spirit,

            “Thank-you sweets, I’m sure you’re right. Go to sleep now, you have to get up early for school tomorrow.” Dan fixed his fringe and got up from the table, kissing his mother chastely on the forehead, he clears the small remainder of his supper into the compost.

            The stairs creaked slightly as he ran up them, heading to his bedroom where he could go back to listening to his grainy Beethoven record and brooding. Dan mostly thought about school that night, and all of the new people. All of the new expectations. His plan was to try to make it on his own until the next move. Don’t get attached to anybody, and pass. It was an overused mantra that Dan had practically ingrained into his skull. He fell asleep to the sound of his curtains hitting the window sill, and the violent keys of Ludwig.

***

            The following morning, Dan’s hair was almost the same as it was the earlier day, only curly. There was dried drool on his cheek and he wiped it off, embarrassed. Throwing on some trousers, he traipsed down the stairs to make some toast. He was putting strawberry jam on the semi-burned bread when he noticed Camden sitting at the table. Her short brown hair twisted in a knot on the top of her head, she was drinking coffee,

            “Good morning Daniel, how did you sleep?” Dan blushed, he hated it when she used his full name, but it was a step down from ‘Mr. Howell’,

            “I slept well, when did you fly in?” Dan asked their nanny, she smiled,

            “Last night. Your parents are already at work, they put me in charge of making sure you two got to school on time. Finish that quickly, you slept in.” Dan peered at the large wall clock hanging on the wall, he cursed under his breath and shoved the toast into his mouth.

            Collapsing into his room, he regretted not unpacking when they got to the house. He rummages through some cardboard boxes and finds an old Muse shirt and some black skinny jeans. He brushed his teeth quickly and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, leaving it sticky and minty. Throwing his backpack over his shoulder, he dashed for the door. Luckily the school was only a block away, he could run. He hoped that his deodorant wouldn’t wear off.

            Dan was a heaving mess at the front steps of his school. He received various looks from some of the jocks, but he ignored them. He made a beeline for the front doors. Once he enters, there are a lot more alternative vibes than he had gotten from any other school before. The ceiling tiles were all painted with various pieces of art, and there were several pierced faces talking animatedly in small circles. He smiled and located the front office,

            “Hello dear, what can we do for you?” The receptionist says with a warm, northern accent,

            “Um well, I’m new here and I was looking for my timetable? My name is Daniel Howell.” Dan said, wincing,

            “Ah yes, Principal Ford had me put it aside right her, oh now where is it.” She was looking around the desk when Dan heard the jingling of a chain from behind him.

            He looked back and a boy with a jet black fringe covering half of his face, and the other half adorned with piercings stood over him. Black lipstick shiny under the large fluorescents. The receptionist, Amanda, turned arounds, triumph on her face,

            “Here you go dear, oh Phil! I’ll ring her right now.” Amanda said, the boy smiled without showing his teeth, and Dan shimmied past him awkwardly. Judging by his massive t-shirt with multiple masked creatures on it, he was not to be messed with.

            He stepped into a crowd of people, and right onto a girls floral booted toes,

            “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” Dan said as she yelped,

            “Aha, that’s okay. Hey, are you new here?” The girl has long, bouncy pink hair, it was so pale it looked almost grey,

            “Yeah, I’m Dan.” He shifted his timetable under his other arm and held out his hand for her to shake,

            “Louise, but you can call me Lou. If you need any help finding your way around, just let me know!” She smiled, revealing perfectly straight and white teeth. Dan smiled back at her and tried to find where his locker would be, Amanda had written it on the bottom of his timetable with large curly writing.

            Finally, after ten minutes of looking, he found it. Opening the blue metal case, he dumped his things inside and headed to homeroom. Which, naturally, was on the other side of the school.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mentions of violence/abuse and alcohol

Chapter Two

                        Dan had his earbuds plugged in, volume high enough so that he wouldn’t have to hear the rumors being spread around him as he walked down the hallways at school. It had been two days and already people were talking shit on anything they could find at least a smidge credible. He opened his locker and put his belongings inside, it was lunch, and Dan was planning on being alone in a corner to listen to music and read. However, when he walked past the cafeteria, an enthusiastic pink haired girl ran toward him and tapped onto his shoulder, his earbuds fell loosely to the ground,

            “Dan! Come eat with us.” She said, large green eyes sparkling, Dan smiled slightly, and followed her to a table nearest to the back of the room.

 At the table were two lanky boys, one had his mouth propped open, and the other was seeing how many Cheetos he could fit in the gaping hole. In the corner of the table, there was another guy dressed in clad black, his black nails were clutching a book and it covered his face,

            “Guys, this is Dan. Dan, that’s Chris,” His mouth was filled with Cheetos, so he just waved with an ink stained hand, “That’s PJ, and that’s my boyfriend Phil.”

            The boy who was in the office on Dan’s first day looks down his nose at the brunette. Dan waved awkwardly but Phil ignored him and returned to his book. Louise gave him an apologetic looks, suddenly there was a loud snorting sound then some choking. PJ was behind Chris, hitting his back in a repetitive motion, finally Chris spit out one cheeto. They both collapsed in laughs, then sat back down at the table with tears brimming their eyes,

            “So you’re the Dan Howell everyone is talking about.” Chris said, placing his chin in his hands,

            “Er, yeah I guess.” Dan said, ears burning,

            “Is it true that you got jumped by a huge mafia gang and that’s why you had to move here?” Chris asked, earning an elbow jab from PJ, Dan laughed,

            “No, I wish. My mum just got a job transfer.” He lied,

            “Oh.” Chris said, disappointed,

            “So, Lou, how long have you and Phil been together?” Dan asked, trying to shift the conversation from himself,

            “I think it was almost-“   
            “What makes you think you can call her Lou?” Phil asked, making PJ recoil,

            “Um, she told me I could?” Dan said, confused,

            “Don’t.” Phil said coldly. Louise cringed,

            “Sorry about that. We’ve been together for three years.” She said, Dan could hardly believe it, but he doubted she would lie.

            “Wow.” He said lamely, picking the crumbs off of his sandwich.

***

            Dan was walking home when he heard clunky steps behind him, and a familiar jangle of a chain. He turned his head and saw Phil. His eyes were downcast and there was a track of a screaming man playing into his eardrums, Dan smiled slightly, remembering when that had been him. It was just a phase. He wanted to talk to the lack haired boy, but he deemed himself too nervous and ignored that he ever saw him in the first place.

            Walking up to the front door of his house, he could already hear the yelling. Opening the door with his key, Dan stepped inside. The house looked the same as usual, telling him that it wasn’t a physical fight between his parents, just an argument. He walked into the kitchen and his mother sat there, head in her hands, her face covered by a thin sheet of hair. Dan felt a twinge of anger rise up inside him, his step-father always did this. Speak of the devil, and he shall appear,

            “Daniel. How was your day at school?” His father asked flatly, Dan just shrugged, he always hated small talk, especially with this man,

            “What’s supper?” Dan asked nobody in particular, his mum answered, not moving from her current position,

            “We’re ordering pizza.” She said, Dan’s stomach felt bad, they only ordered things when mum was going away for the night, and she only went away for the night when dad had hit her. He glares daggers into his step-fathers forehead and went upstairs.

            In his room, Alex was hiding under the covers,

            “Al? Hey I’m home now.” Dan said, touching Alex’s back, he was crying,

            “He hit her again. Right in front of me. I wanted to do something but he was drunk, I’m sorry Dan.” Alex said, Dan rubbed his back soothingly,

            “It’s not your fault. He just messes up sometimes. Mums ordering pizza, isn’t that good?” Dan says, Alex loved pizza,

            “She’s going away again, isn’t she?” He said, tearfully,

            “Just for the night.” Dan replied, Alex pulled himself upward and was sitting, facing Dan,

            “Okay.”

 

 

            Half an hour later, the pizza had arrived. They sat at the table together, everything quiet, with the exception of the clock,

            “I’m going to stay in the guest house with Camden.” Their mum said, Dan knew that his father wanted to say something, instead the boys let out a collective breath,

            “Okay, have fun.” Alex said, smiling. Their mum smiled back sadly, there was already a bruise starting to show near the bottom of her jaw.

            Wiping her mouth on a napkin, she left the table and disappeared to upstairs. Only to reappear five minutes later with a pale pink duffel slung over her shoulder. Dan hugged her goodbye as his other two family members finished their pizza,

            “I love you mum, it’ll be better tomorrow.” He said, she smiled at him and kissed his cheek,

            “I love you sweetheart.” She said, and then walked out the door and across the street to where Camden lived.

            Dan returned to the table and they continued eating in silence. It was awkward, not like before. This time Alex had seen it, before he could always pretend it never happened, there was no hope for lies this time. The boys went upstairs, Dan took refuge in Tumblr, and even talked to his internet friends about what had happened. His internet friends felt okay to have, because he never had to leave them. One day he hoped to move to America, so that he could meet his best friend, Connor. At around twelve am, he heard a soft knock on his door. It opened slowly, and there was Alex, standing with his hands hidden into his sleeves,

            “Can I sleep in here tonight?” He asked, Dan’s heart felt broken, but he nodded and pushed over. Alex crawled in and fell asleep.

            Dan was starting to think that maybe those rumors weren’t so bad, at least they were better than the truth.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  


            The following day, Dan walked into school with a frown on his face. No headphones to block out the mumblings of passerby’s, so that say had already proved to be intimidating, to put it lightly. His hair fell into his face, and he couldn’t be bothered to fix it. That morning had been a nightmare, since nobody had told Camden to come over, Dan’s step-father had to handle it all, something that he was not used to. The smell of alcohol stayed in Dan’s nose until he reached his locker, where Louise stood. Dressed in a lacy pink frock, she smiled when she say Dan,

            “Hello!” She said, happily, she smelled of roses and vanilla,

            “Hey Louise.” Dan said back, putting in his combination and grabbing his math textbook,

            “So, Phil and I are having a party tonight, so I was wondering if you wanted to come.” Louise asked, eyes hopeful,

            “I don’t think so…parties aren’t really my things, and I’m pretty sure your boyfriend hates me.” Dan remarked, closing his locker door with a dull slam,

            “Phil doesn’t hate you, he’s just not used to new people in the group. Besides, if you come to the party, then you guys can get to know each other more!” Louise pointed out, Dan thought about Phil’s black nail polish,

            “Hhhh fine. What’s the address?” Dan asked, fumbling for a pen and holding his hand out for Louise to write on,

            “My place, it usually gets exciting at around ten or eleven.” She responded, writing her address on Dan’s hand, along with her cellphone,

            “Cool, I’ll see you there.” Dan had never been to a party that he was legitimately invited to, he usually just crashed them.

            Dan was bouncy for the rest of the day, happy knowing he wouldn’t be bound to his house the whole night, then again, he would have to figure out how to sneak out. He contemplated asking his mum, she would probably let him go if he told her that he was staying at a friend’s house for the night. By the time Dan had figured out a plan, he was halfway finished the school day, and he was walking headfirst into none other than Phil Lester.

            The two boys bumped and mumbled mixed apologies, but when Phil realized who it was that he had bumped into, he felt no remorse,

            “Don’t worry about it, your rich daddy can pay for the damage.” He said, lip piercing glinting,

            “It’s refreshing to hear you say daddy, is that what you call your boyfriend?” Dan retorted, admittedly, it wasn’t his best work,

            “I’m not gay, unlike you.” Phil spat,

            “I’m not the one wearing lipstick.” Dan shot back,

            “I’m not the one who relies on his parents for everything.”

            “You don’t know anything about me, Lester.” Dan said, glaring into Phil’s eyes,

            “I know enough.” He responded, he was turning to walk away when Dan decided to push it even farther,

            “Oh, Lou invited me to your party tonight. Can’t wait.” Dan said, sporting a shit-eating grin,

            “I told you not to call her that, Howell.” Phil seethed, pulling the collar of Dan’s shirt up, so that he could press him against the wall,

            “Funny, when I imagined you saying my name, I pictured it a lot breathier.” Dan said, pulling along the homo string, even though he wasn’t even gay himself,

            “Fuck you.” Phil said, pulling his fist back,

            “If you insist.” Dan shrugged, feigning tiredness, and with that comment, Phil punched him in the jaw.

            It stung for a few seconds, until Dan turned him around onto the wall and kneed him in the gut, he fell to the floor. Dan wiped his hands on his shirt, and walked away, pretending he was never there.

 

***

            When Dan arrived back at his house (after running from a furious goth boy) he was sweaty and his jaw ached from the episode earlier in the day, it was all very gay for Dan’s opinion, but he loved to see Phil’s face when he was annoyed. He ran up the stairs, despite his legs feeling like they would give out beneath him, and hopped in the shower. He thought about what he would wear to the party until the water got cold. Dan’s back shivered as he stepped out and into a clean towel. He flopped on the bed and scrolled tumblr for an hour at least, then decided to get dressed. Throwing on his favorite pair of jeans, and a Ramones t-shirt, he was practically ready for the party. The only problem was that it was only five o’clock.

            To waste time, Dan went downstairs, hoping to find his mother, but she still hadn’t returned from Camden’s. Dan shrugged it off and entered the living room. There, Alex was playing Mario Cart,

            “I’m going to a party tonight.” Dan told him, as if asking permission,

            “Okay.” Alex said, not tearing his eyes from the T.V. screen, Dan rolled his eyes and picked up the seconds controller,

            “Add me to the game.” He said, Alex grinned and returned to the home page.

 

 

            After three losses, four wins and tons of bants later, their dad was home. His suit looked dirtier than normal and his hair was a mess. He looked through the fridge, taking out a block of cheese. He then proceeded the sit on the floor and fall asleep. Alex rushed over to him and checked his pulse, sitting back on his heels in relief. Dan walked over as well, leaning over their snoring father. His breath wreaked of beer and scotch. Dan sighed and Alex frowned,

            “Are you still okay with me going out tonight?” Dan asked, glancing to the sleeping man beneath both of them,

            “Yeah, I think he’s just going to sleep anyway, besides mum is gonna be home soon.” Dan nodded and put the cheese back in the fridge.

 

***

            The walls were practically vibrating with the music that ricochets from room to room. Dan wormed his way past horny teenagers who were making out in plain view. Finally he spotted a familiar pair of floral boots amongst the dozens of bums,

            “Lou!” He called out, she turned and smiled widely,

            “Dan! You came aha!” She laughed, Dan had the suspicion she had had a few drinks, but he let it go,       “Here, drink this.”

            She handed him a red solo cup. He sniffed it and nearly gagged,

            “What is this?” He shouted over the music,

            “Vodka, cough syrup, and some Xanax.” She said, giggling,

            “I think I’ll pass.” He said, pouring the drink into a nearby house plant,

Suddenly he felt a looming figure breathing down his neck,

            “Hey.” Phil said and quietly as he could while still be heard,

            “Hey!” Dan said, then he remembered the incident and his mood darkened,

            “What are you doing here? I didn’t think you’d come.” Phil said,

            “Lou invited me.” Dan responded, using the nickname he knew Phil despised,

            “Come with me.” Phil said, his eyes cloudy,

            “Why?” Dan questioned, pushing a drunk girl off of him,

            “I don’t want you near my fucking girlfriend that’s why.” Phil grabbed Dan by the collar and started to drag him away,

            “Fine! I’m coming, can you stop strangling me now?” Dan yelled, Phil didn’t respond, but let go of his collar.

            In the next room over, Chris and PJ were sitting in a circle,

            “Dan! Phil! Come sit with us!” Chris called, clearly high.

Phil walked forward and sat in the circle and sat down next to PJ and a girl called Rose. The rest of the strangers gawked at Dan,

            “None of those rumors are true.” He said, they nodded and looked away, then PJ spoke,

            “We’re playing truth or dare, want to play?” Dan bit his lip, but nodded despite the warning signals going off in his head. Chris nodded,

            “Okay. Phil you go first.” Phil had dared Rose to run around the room until she threw up, which only took once since she had downed seven of Louise’s concoctions. Dan was surprised she wasn’t dead,

            “Okay, Rose your turn.” Rose took a moment to compose herself,

            “Okay,             Dan truth or dare?” He picked truth and everyone groaned,

            “Fine, I pick dare.” Rose smirked,

            “I dare you to kiss me.” Dan blushed, but Rose wasn’t ugly, or necessarily rude, so he leaned in and kissed her, open mouthed.

            Her tongue tasted awful, considering she had just thrown up, luckily it was cut short by and awkward cough,

            “My turn?” Dan wondered, Rose nodded, “Chris, truth or dare?”

            “Truth.” Dan smirked,          

            “What’s the worst thing Phil has ever done?” Phil’s head snapped up and his eyes were wide, Chris laughed, his drunken voice garbled,

            “He ch-cheated on Louise ahahaha!” Chris said,

            “What?” Dan said, looking at Phil angrily, he didn’t meet his eyes.

So, now he had some leverage. Dan had a feeling the rest of the night would be quite eventful.


	4. Chapter Four

Dan's chest felt heavy the next day at school. Louise was wearing some large sunglasses, and was uncharacteristically underdressed,

 

"Hey." Dan said once he approached her, Louise gave a grunt and began massaging the sides of her head,

 

"Oh my fucking god, I'm never drinking again." She claimed, though they both knew she would, Dan wasn't sure how to word it. 

  _How do you tell somebody their boyfriend is cheating on them?_ Dan wondered,

 

"Lou...I need to talk to you about something." Before he could tell her, Phil appeared behind her, holding her waist, she leaned into him,

 

"Hello." Phil said, more at Dan than at his girlfriend. Dan's confidence dissipated,

 

"Hi." Dan said, trying not to clench his teeth, how could Phil cheat on Louise? He had only known her for a week, but Dan already knew that is usual strategies for avoiding people wouldn't work on Lou,

 

"Did you have fun last night?" Phil asked, Dan nodded simply, he knew that Phil knew, that he wanted to tell his friend about the round of truth or dare,

 

"Yeah, you?" The brown haired boy asked, trying too hard to seem casual,

 

"Fine." Phil responded, shrugging, Dan's throat closed up as the bell rang and Louise gave Phil a kiss goodbye.

 

    Dan walked to class, wondering what he was going to do about the Phil/Louise drama. The drama that he made up in his own head. Hands shaking, Dan took a seat at a desk near the back of the room. The teacher was droning on about the Pythagorean theorem, when a flustered boy with smudged black lipstick and a spiked dog collar tied around his neck, appeared in the door-frame,

 

"What can I do for you Mr. Lester?" Dan's teacher asked, something about the formality of 'mr' made him uneasy,

 

"I need to speak with Dan Howell." Phil said, his normally pale skin was a pale pink and a tattoo was visible from his low cut shirt, 

 

"You have ten minutes." He said, then returned to his lesson, Dan grabbed his bag and walked out the door.

Phil halted near a janitors closet, propping the door open with a steel toed boot, Dan entered first. It smelled of bleach and newspaper is the small room, a dull light hung from a wire in the ceiling, he found it unusual, but didn't think it the time to bring it up. 

 

"Y-you can't tell Louise." Phil begged, voice faltering from it's usual steel,

 

"And why not? You _cheated_ , Phil." The name felt foreign on his lips, but it seemed to make the atmosphere even more serious,

 

"I know, and I regret it everyday. But please don't tell her, she'll never forgive me." Phil's eyes had a mixture of fear, but also something unidentified,

 

"You don't deserve her forgiveness." Dan spat, he knew was affairs did to people, he knew how precious trust was,

 

"You don't understand! It's different!" Phil cried, Dan's posture shifted,

 

"How is it different." He said, tone oddly calm for the cocktail of thoughts running through his head,

 

"It..." Phil stopped, Dan looked at him expectantly, but nothing seemed to come out, "You're right. But just, please, let me tell her. I don't want her thinking that everyone knew behind her back." 

 

"Everyone did know behind her back." Dan pointed out, Phil glared at him, Dan breathed, "Fine, I won't tell her. But if you don't spill by the end of this week, I will." 

 

"Deal." They shook hands, and Dan noticed how Phil's skin felt soft. He turned and opened the door, stepping into a hallway already filling with students, "Dan?" 

 

The boy looked back, brown eyes meeting blue, "Thanks." He said, hair covering his eyes,

 

"Don't thank me yet." And with that, he was gone, lost in the sea of people.

 

***

 

    The house smelled of tea and cookies when Dan walked in, Alex was on the couch, his friend Jordan was on the floor. They seemed to be playing some new video game that Dan had never heard of, surprisingly, 

 

"Dan?" His ears pricked up when he heard his mother's voice,

 

"Hey mum." Dan replied, smiling widely, he stepped into the kitchen. She was sliding cookies off of baking sheets and onto large rounded plates,

 

"How was your day?" She asked, neglecting the elephant in the room,

 

"It was...eventful." He said, and her eyebrows raised,

 

"Would you like to tell me about it?" She asked, Dan shook his head,

 

"No, I think I'm just going to go upstairs." He said, she nodded,

 

"Okay, dinner will be ready in half an hour." She smiled her 'everything-is-okay' smile,

 

"I love you." Dan said, as if he'd never get the chance again, her smile wavered, but she quickly stabilized, 

 

"I love you too, Sweets." Dan climbed the stairs quickly and closed the door after walking into his bedroom.

 

Pressing his back against the cedar panels, he let out a deep breath. He was breaking so many rules. What would happen when they leave again? Everything was coming undone in front of his eyes, and he knew he had to shut down, because any other reaction could be explosive, and the truth wasn't his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh I know, this is mostly dialogue, but that's okay. I'll make it up to you   
> <3


	5. Chapter Five

As Friday pressed on, Dan wondered anxiously about Phil. He hadn't seen him around the corridors since earlier that morning, and Louise had gone into hiding, it seemed. The lunch bell rang and Dan hurried to the cafeteria, where he hoped to find his friend. His feet carried him to the back of the large scaled room, eyes fleeting. With a flick of relief, Dan found himself eye to eye with Phil. His face was neutral, along with his lips. They were usually coated in black, but not today. He hair tangled with his eyelashes, Dan had the urge to brush it out of his face, but controlled himself,

 

"Did you do it?" He asked, thankful that Chris nor PJ seemed to be attentive,

 

"Yeah." Phil deadpanned, shoulders curled in,

 

"Oh." Dan whispered, Phil nodded, irritation building with every word Dan said,

 

"She broke up with me. Now you can have my sloppy seconds." Phil seethed, Dan was taken aback,

 

"What?" He felt as if a gust of wind had taken him, is that what Phil thought?

 

"That's the whole reason you wanted me to tell her right? I see the way you look at her." Phil said, iron walls equipped,

 

"I don't want to be with Louise! I wanted you to tell her because it's the right thing to do." Dan's face crumpled, frustrated tears threatened him but he refused,

 

"Yeah, sure. Having the perfect life just wasn't enough for you was it? You just had to move here and take my girlfriend away from me!" Phil was standing now, posture defensive, and it was drawing attention,

 

"You don't know anything about me, Lester. Don't assume everything is perfect just because my parent have jobs." Dan said, and attempted to walk away, but a firm hand pulled him back by the shoulder,

 

"I'm no finished." Phil said, angrily,

 

"Well I am." Dan replied, shrugging Phil's hand off of his shoulder, and promptly leaving the cafeteria, where many students were already absorbed in the drama.

 

The air was cold outside, and the clouds were forming a blanket in the sky. Dan heard the doors to the school open, then close. Within seconds, he was found by a boy in clad black,

 

"Dan." Phil said, almost quizically, Dan's ears pricked at the voice,

 

"Yes Phil?" He asked, as if speaking to a teacher,

 

"I don't care that you want to date Louise." He said, anger still present, but tone dull,

 

"For fuck's sake! I don't want Louise!" Dan snapped, Phil's eyes widened,

 

"Well why not?" He asked, Dan huffed,

 

"Because she's my friend. I don't normally date my friends, do you?" Phil seemed to be unnerved by this,

 

"Just admit it!" He yelled,

 

"Why are you so hung up on this? I get that you guys were together for three years, but why can't you believe me when I tell you that I don't want your fucking ex-girlfriend?!" Dan yelled back, spit flying from his mouth and landing on Phil's cheek,

 

"Because if I'm with Lou then-" He cut himself off, Dan looked at him, what was with Phil and not finishing his sentences? Dan wondered,

 

"Then what?" Dan pressed, Phil shook his head,

 

"I have to go." He said, stepping back, Dan could not accept that. He grabs Phil's shirt collar and pins him against the brick wall of their school,

 

"You're not walking away from me, that's my job." He said, Phil looked surprised by Dan's strength, "Now tell me what you were going to say." 

 

Phil looks away, eyes anywhere but Dan's face, they were practically chest to chest. The black haired boy takes a hesitant breath, then looks at Dan. His eyes were soft, like his unblemished complexion. With unsteadiness, Phil presses his lips against Dan's, eyes squeezed shut.

Dan's eyes were open for a split second, until they fluttered closed and he leaned in to the kiss, grip loosening on Phil's collar. The goth boy's tongue slid across Dan's bottom lip, he then bit it gently, earning a moan from the brown eyed boy. Phil's ivory fingers slipped into Dan's hair, pulling it slightly. What has Phil gotten himself into?

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

The hallway seemed somehow longer to Dan as he walked to his locker. He knew that she would be there, and he knew that she deserved to know the truth. But what was the truth? Sure, him and Phil kissed but that was it. The goth boy looked so horrified afterward, that he ran off and Dan hadn't seen him since. It was now Monday, and Dan had a terrible feeling in his chest, like he would never eat again. Once he reaches his locker, Louise is standing there as usual, 

"How was your weekend?" She asked, 

 

"Good, yours?" Dan replied politely, he wasn't about to tell her that his father had dropped off of the face of the Earth,

 

"It was good, I had a party." She says, it seemed like Lou was always having a party,

 

"How do your parents never find out?" Dan wondered, Louise shrugged,

 

"They aren't home enough to notice." She responds, and that was something Dan could relate to, they walk together for a while in comfortable silence.

 

Dan lapsed into a hole of thinking, thinking about Phil and what they had done. Dan wondered if they had only kissed because Phil was sad about breaking up with Louise, and he proved to be right, because at lunch when he sat at the table, he pretended that nothing had happened,

 

"Hey guys." Phil said from behind an old Shakespearean novel,

 

"Hey Phil!" Louise replied, her smile ever present, had they made up? Dan wondered, "Babe, are you still coming over tonight?" 

Dan's eyes widen, 'babe'? They were together again,

 

"Yeah." Phil responded, 

 

"Okay good, because on Friday you seemed a little ill, but you're feeling better yeah?" Louise asks, had Phil not even told her that he cheated? It had all been a hoax? Dan's rage bubbled, but he kept his top on,

 

"I'm feeling a lot better." Phil said, smiling poking out from behind the book, I reminded myself to have a word with him later.

 

***

 

It was near the end of his last period, when Dan spotted Phil heading to the bathroom. He obtained the hall pass and rushed to the bathroom. The boys room smelled of weed, and Dan found the culprit, sitting lazily on the sink countertops. Phil's index and thumb were drawn together, clipping a joint into place,

 

"Hello Daniel." He said, blowing smoke out of the rectangular window, which was open less than a fraction,

 

"Philip." Dan responded, bitterly, 

 

"Can I help you?" Phil asked, looking Dan dead in the eyes,

 

"I just wanted to know why you lied to me." Dan said, trying to seem nonchalant, but the aggression in his throat was rising at a steady pace,

 

"I think you'll find that it's best to stay away from me Daniel, you're far too," He seemed to be looking for the word in Dan's posture, "Sensitive." 

 

"You used me." Dan spat, though keeping his voice fit for indoors,

 

"I simply gave you what you wanted." Phil said, sucking in the smoke that was making Dan's eyes water,

 

"That's not what I wanted." Phil's head cocked to the side, 

 

"Really?" He shoves the butt of his vice into the linoleum counter, making the blue char into a satisfying black.

 

Phil's heavy boots make echoes as he walks toward Dan. Dan cautiously backs away, he didn't want this boy to beat him up, that would prove difficult to explain to mum. Before he knew it, Dan was perched on top of a toilet seat, hands supporting his weight awkwardly,

 

"Glad to see I have such an affect on you Danny." Phil grins, showing a perfect set of white teeth, surprising Dan, 

 

"As if, Lester." Dan shot back, though his somewhat vulnerable position made his tone seem out of place, Phil kicks the door closed and locks it, leaving very little room for Dan to go, Phil leaned over, Dan felt the other boys breath on his cheek and shivered,

 

"As if?" He asks, then connects their lips. Dan's needy hand run through Phil's hair, his lips and tongue attacking him hungrily.

 

Phil lets out a soft moan, which pushes Dan over the edge, and he's pinning Phil against the wall of the cubicle with his hips, feeling every inch of the black haired boy beneath him. Phil's fingers lace him and Dan's together and the other is pulling the brown haired boy closer by the belt loop. He leaves several bruises on Dan's neck, which he now found was one of his most sensitive spots. Suddenly Dan seemed to snap out of it and pushed Phil away,

 

"Did I stutter?" He retorts, despite his crimson cheeks and swollen lips. He pushes Phil's chest so that he leans all of his weight into the other side of the stall, then unlocks the latch and leaves. 

 

Leaving the boy in the bathroom with a rather big problem to deal with, all on his own.

***

The cold air felt nice on Dan's face as he walked home. His shirt was buttoned all the way, and he hoped not to see Phil on his way, though he knew Phil usually walked too. The steady feeling of rubber hitting cement, was enough for Dan to fall into contemplation. That was the second time that Dan played a role in Phil cheating on Louise, and he hadn't yet told her about the first time. He felt beyond guilty, and was thinking about ways he could break the news, he supposed he wouldn't get any sleep that night due to constant fretting. No, he thought, he wasn't about to let this control his life. Sucking in a breath, he pulls out his cell phone. Dialing Louise's number. It rings three times before she picks up,

 

"Dan! Hey!" She says, Dan could practically see her smile,

 

"L-Lou, I need to tell you something." 

 

"Oh no, what's happened, are you okay?" Her concerned voice made Dan even more gutted to tell her,

 

"Phil and I...Phil and I kissed. Twice." He said, not quite thinking about the words coming out of his mouth. It took five seconds of silence before he wanted to grab his words right out of the air and eat them up, so that she would never hear them,

 

"I knew it!" She said, but she didn't sound sad whatsoever,

 

"What?!" Dan exclaimed, getting a strange look from a girl who was walking her dog,

 

"I've known Phil was gay for, like, ever." Louise said,

 

"B-But he's your boyfriend, aren't you upset?" Louise laughed,

 

"He's hardly my boyfriend Dan. We've never done anything but small kisses here and there." Dan breathed heavily,

 

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, nervous,

 

"No! I'm just glad he's finally admitting it you know? The only reason we started dating was because...well that's a story for another time. Listen I got to go, but I'm not mad, and I think you two are really lovely together." Dan was absolutely shocked,

 

"Um okay, see you later." He said, then hung up. So Louise didn't really like Phil, and she knew Phil was gay this whole time. She wasn't mad. These people are weird, Dan thought. 


	7. Chapter Seven

As Dan entered his home, he was met with the unsettling smell of alcohol. His vision blurred as he thought of what could have happened. His father had been "missing" all weekend. Nearing the corner of the entry to the living room, Dan willed himself not to look, but his curiosity proved stronger. Sitting on the couch in a semi-upright position was his step-father. His eyes were unfocused and rimmed red, his face was unshaven. He sat with a haggard expression, not even noticing Dan had walked into the house. The teenager rolled his eyes and jumped up the stairs two at a time. When he found himself in his bedroom, yet another surprise was waiting for him on his bed. Curled into a ball, was his little brother Alex. He nervously sat next to the boy, feeling the bed dip with his weight. Alex was crying, his body shaking slightly from every falling tear. Dan held him in his arms until he stopped, not because he wasn't sad, but because there were no tears left to express,

 

"What happened?" Dan finally asked, the room was a dim blue, hazy from the setting sun,

 

"He he..." Alex trailed off, he got off the bed and turned on the light, as he turned his face, Dan gasped. 

 

The usually unblemished skin was layered in bruises and a critically busted lip. Dan struggled not to cry, he could do that later. For now he had to be strong for his brother,

 

"Pack your things. Anything you think you'll need for a week. You're staying at Camden's." Dan said, his cellphone was already ringing her number.

 

"Of course Daniel, don't forget I love you both, I will be home as soon as possible." She said, then a click. Alex didn't speak until Dan ushered him to the door. He had never been so thankful to have a neighbor in his entire life. As they opened the door, an all too familiar voice is heard from the other room,

 

"Where do you two think you're going?" He demanded, despite his words melding together to make a grammatical disaster,

 

"Alex is going to his friends house for the night, I'm saying goodbye." Dan lied smoothly, though with the state their father was in, he didn't really have to,

 

"Okay. Be safe." The slurred voice said, Dan hugged Alex and kissed the top of his head, something he had abandoned when Alex was very young.

 

He watched his brother run across the inhabited street. He waited until he saw the door close, and presumably lock. Dan waited for a whole of five minutes, before breaking down. He couldn't believe it had gotten this bad. He had never hurt Alex before. It made Dan furious. He had had time to adjust to him beating his mother, after all it was happening for years, he felt stupid to not have seen it coming. Before his brain could catch up with his actions, he was hitting his step-father. He was punching his face until it bled. Finally, the older man realized what was happening, and the alcohol took over. Dan took blows to the face, chest, and legs. He felt his knees give out beneath him, and soon his was on the floor. His father straddled him, wrapping his thick fingers around his throat. Dan began to cry, using his entire strength to try and push the man off of him. The corners of Dan's eyes were going black, his chest felt engulfed in flames, he was convinced he would die. Until it all ceased. He blinked, leaving his eyes closed for several seconds before opening them again. His mother was standing over him, a metal baseball bat in her hands, turning her knuckles white. Tears were rolling down her face.

***

The following day Dan woke up, his entire body aching. His throat felt sore, but it was nothing compared to the massive bruise on his cheek, leading to his eye. He lay awake on his bed for a few minutes, before the yelling started. He moved as quickly as possible, getting dressed and ready for school. There was no way in hell he would be staying home with both of his parents. He gingerly put on his jeans and a sweater, to hide the bruises inflicted on him. Dan didn't dare look in the mirror. He didn't want to see what he looked like. He didn't want to face the facts. However, he knew that he would need to cover up the bruises somehow, unless he wants even more rumors spread.

He sneaks into his mothers bedroom, thanking god that she was downstairs for once. He grabbed anything that looked like it could cover bruises, and hobbled back to the bathroom. He locked the door before looking into the mirror. A sharp intake of breath was the only thing to be heard in the compact room. There were dark purple marks in the shape of fingers covering the majority of his throat. His face was barely uncovered with popped blood vessels and lesions. His hair was undone and disheveled. Checking the time on the clock above the toilet, Dan quickened his pace. He covered his neck first, the tone of the make-up didn't match whatsoever. Dan continued to slather it on, but washed it off in frustration as it wasn't doing what he wanted it to do. He sighs and drys his neck, then leaves the bathroom.

 

Downstairs, Dan's father was sitting at the table, broken glass displayed across the floor, water dripping from the messy surface area. They made eye contact briefly before looking away. Dan's mother didn't try to stop him, she didn't even look up from her position on the floor, cradling her face. He heard the front door slam behind him, and felt the breeze against his skin. He knew everyone would notice, his plan was to simple ignore him. He seemed to forget the boy that was destined to make his life even more complicated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i'm so sorry that this took so long!!!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a filler chapter

He heard the chunky black boots behind him before he saw what was actually making the noise. Dan knew that Phil had been trailing him since he was seen walking on the sidewalk, but headphones are for two reasons: listening to music, and not listening to anything around you. Dan found himself utilizing the latter more than the purpose he bought them for. His locker opened and he pushed his things inside, ignoring the boy dressed in black that was staring at him, more specifically his neck. Dan feels a tug on his earbud and hisses, 

 

"Hey! I've been trying to talk to you all morning." Phil said, Dan tried to grimace but the bruise on his face had other plans, Phil noticed and gave him a concerned look,

 

"It's nothing." Dan said weakly, he knew that there was no way he could get out of this now,

 

"What the fuck happened to you?" He demanded, his jaw was clenched together tightly, as if holding back anger,

 

"I said it's nothing." Dan tried again, despite his knowledge that there was no way Phil would drop it,

 

"Dan, please...talk to me." He pleaded, Dan looked around, not many people had stuck around, and the bell had rung indicating the starting of the morning classes. 

 

Dan takes Phil's hand and leads him to the door at the end of the hallway, he pushes the handle and a cool breeze washes over them, the grass looked dead, but it was still mostly green. They walked in silence, until Dan came to a halt under the shade of an oak tree, just on the outskirts of the designated courtyard the school had built. Phil looks at him, blue eyes waiting for something, anything,

 

"I'm going to be honest here," Dan lied, "I got beat up after school yesterday." Phil's shoulders dropped,

 

"Why didn't you just tell me? I'll handle it." Phil said, Dan shook his head,

 

"No, it's embarrassing. Besides, I don't need you to handle it." Phil looked hurt at the last accusation,

 

"But I can help I can-" 

 

"Look Phil, I know that you can 'fix' this, but you can't okay? It happened, I'm over it." Dan claimed, though he was not over it and t every living second he was on the verge of tears,

 

"So you're okay?" Phil said, taking Dan's hand in his once more,

 

"Yes. I'm okay."


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; drunkness

Phil's head nodded subconsciously to the heavy beat of some archetypal metal band flooding his ears through his earbuds, and munched away at his egg salad, he read his battered copy of Cyrano De Bergerac. It was his seventh time reading through the famous play, and he was not ashamed to admit that it was his favorite. He agreed with critics that Shakespeare had somewhat mimicked the balcony scene. Surrounding him, were two laughing idiots, Chris and PJ. Louise was sitting across from him, and Dan was missing, it seemed.

 He wasn't naive. He knew that Dan wasn't okay. However, he wasn't the type to keep trying when he knew that he'd lost. Dan wasn't going to tell him the truth, and that was okay. Things seemed to change when it was the end of the day and Dan still hadn't been seen by any of their friends nor classmates. Phil was starting to get anxious and impatient. A million 'what ifs' popped into his mind, and uncharacteristically, his hands were shaking and he was breaking his cold-guy facade for everyone to see. Louise seemed worried, she gave fleeting glances, but knew Phil would lie if she asked anyway, so she kept her lips sealed and mind open for any clues as to what was wrong.

The cool wind contrasted with Phil’s flushed face and he scanned the crowd of busy bodied students for a particular curly haired boy, to his dismay, Dan was still nowhere to be found. There were busses lined up on the concrete, and people were filing in. Phil had no choice but to sit in his usual vinyl seat, and let the vibrations of the tires beneath him to calm him down.

            The large yellow bus was pulling past Ashton street when Phil’s eyes clung to a certain figure stumbling about in a neighbouring parking lot. He leapt to his feet and walked unsteadily to the front of the bus,

            “Please stop, I need to get off here.” He said, the bus driver obliged and slowed the bus to a halt.

He ran off the bus and made his way fervently across the road, to the parking lot. As Phil neared to the figure, Dan, he noticed an array of things.  One: he was insanely drunk, two: his shirt was ripped and pants hanging loosely off his waist. Phil stepped forward, reaching for him,

            “Dan? Are you okay?” Phil asked stupidly,

            “Phiiil? Heyyyy.” Dan slurred, his mouth formed a slack grin,

            “Hey, where’ve you been all day? What’s happened to you?” He asked, getting Dan to sit down on the pavement,

            “I was…out,” Dan giggled, “There was this guy at the bar…” Phil’s heart fell in his chest,

            “Let’s get you home.” Phil sighed, Dan’s head snapped up to look at Phil,

            “No! No I can’t go home!” He shouted, tears rolled down his cheeks, he was grabbing Phil’s arm and whimpering,

            “Don’t be silly, you can’t sleep in the parking lot.” He said, trying to get Dan to stand up,

            “No please don’t make me! Please!” He shouted, drunken tears escaping through his eyes and dancing across his face,

            “Okay okay…” Phil thought for a moment, “You can come over to mine.”

 

***

            Phil’s house was deserted aside from the pet cat. His mother was working, and his older brother Martyn was at uni. So the two had the house to themselves, and Phil felt extra alone once Dan was passed out on his bedspread. Phil sighed as he looked down the dishevelled boy, wondering what happened, surely he couldn’t be this upset over some pricks beating him up.

            Dan’s long eyelashes cast a shadow on his blushing cheeks, his curly hair hung below his eyebrow. His hands shielded his mouth and the bridge of his nose, he almost looked peaceful despite the watercolor disaster on his skin. Phil thought about the past two weeks of Dan moving here, all the confusion, the cheating. He dreaded telling Louise about the kisses, but who said he’d have to? He wasn’t even gay, but it seemed gay to be kissing boys.

            Two hours later, Phil is dozing off next to Dan, when he jolts awake, then wincing after forgetting about is physical condition,

            “Dan?” Phil asked, trying not to seem worried,

            “Phil? Where am I?” His voice was still muddled, but he was substantially more sober,

            “You’re in my room.” Phil explained, sitting up to make sure Dan was okay,

            “Erm, why?” He asked, did he seriously not remember?

            “You were drunk in a parking lot and I found you so I took you home.”

            “Thanks…but why didn’t you just bring me to my own house?” He asked, Phil sighs,

            “You wouldn’t let me. You started screaming and crying when I tried to get you there. So I took you to mine instead.” Dan looked utterly moritifed

            “S-sorry.” He said, covering his face from Phil’s line of vision,

            “You can stay here for the night. If you want.” Dan looked at Phil with an expression of surprise, this boy who had previously seemed to hate him, was offering him a night’s stay,

            “U-uh yeah I think I’ll take you up on that.” Dan said nervously, Phil nodded, he was pulling his laptop from it’s place on his desk next to the bed,

            “Netflix?” He asked his voice was lacking confidence, mostly because of the way Dan was staring at him,

            “Yeah sure.” And that’s how it was for the rest of the night.


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talks of violence

 The following morning, there was a dilemma. Dan hadn’t brought any extra clothes. Phil rummaged through his drawers, looking for something suitable for Dan to wear,

            “You are not putting me in _that._ ” Dan said, looking at the shirt Phil was dangling in front of him, though it was more mesh that fabric,

            “Ugh fine.” He said, throwing his clothes around once more in an array of black among other shades of black. Finally, after some trepidation, Phil looked in the back of hi closet and found his old clothes,

            “That’s fine.” Dan said when Phil propped up a dark green v-neck t-shirt.

Phil awkwardly turned his back and Dan did the same. Dan zipped up his black skinny jeans and pulled the shirt over his head. It hung loosely to his body, he turned and froze in spot. Phil was nearly naked, the only article of clothing was his boxers, which were tight and black. His back was pure ivory, blemished by a long a purple scar that cascaded down his shoulder and came to a halt near his left hip. At the small of his back, there were two deep dimples. Dan was breathless, and Phil was now staring at him,

            “Like what you see?” Phil joked,

            “Yes.” Dan murmured before he could stop himself, Phil’s expression changed,

            “Oh.” He said, what was Dan doing? He’s not even gay, at least he thought he’d been straight…

Phil walked forward and looked into Dan’s eyes, for a moment Dan thought that he would kiss Phil. He felt like he wanted to. Then his world came crashing down.

The sensation of his father’s hands around his throat seemed to set it off. He couldn’t breathe. Dan could tell that his ever present tears were about to make an appearance. Quickly, he rushed to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. His reflection was daunting, laughing in his face and at the marks that reminded him that his mother was, in fact, married. There was a faint sound of raining that could be heard in the distance, but Dan couldn’t hear a thing. His mind folded in on itself, his vision was clouded, he had one word that was hanging itself above Dan’s head. Blue.

***

            Twenty minutes after the bathroom escapade, the two boys were silent. The trustworthy thump of rubber on concrete kept them in sync, their sneakers not seeming to care about the countless puddles of water they were stepping in, and surely getting drenched. The air clung to their chests, the shirt burned on Dan’s back, and Phil was nervous. Had he done something wrong? This had all been fun and games and cheating and…What was it? Phil had lost, at what he didn’t yet know. He found his eyes un-focus then pull themselves back. He found that his breathing was different in his chest.           Dan hadn’t said a word to him. Was it because of Louise? How had this all shifted since yesterday, and why did things have to be this way? Every question fell onto a simple response; ‘unanswered’.

            The direction of Dan’s life seemed to be going toward empty. He had a plan, then this idiot, superficial, pompous, black wearing asshole had to jump into his life, and muck it all up. In all honesty, Dan knew that he was blaming Phil for other things, but he would never admit it to anyone besides the cavernous halls that were his brain. All of the rules he set for himself seemed pointless, there was no real backbone for his issues because the past week of his life had been confined to that seven days. It was all new. What exactly was that in the bathroom? Dan tried to figure out why he couldn’t breath, and why he could only think of blue. Nothing came up. Error. Error.

            “Dan?” He heard a rough voice asked, it made him think of clean sheets and a kick drum,

            “Yeah?” Who was it? He turned his head, it felt weighed down by a dentist’s cape,

            “Are we…okay?” Phil asked, Dan’s eyes blanked, ‘okay?’,

            “Yeah.” He repeated, it sounded unsure, even to himself. What did that even mean?

***

 

            Dan’s life seemed bloody and barren, not wanting to live at 09:15 am in French class would be normal if it weren’t for the ache in his chest and the heaviness places above his frame. What was it? He knew that it wasn’t Phil, it was more. His father? Was what happened to him really that bad? The bell rang for lunch time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idkkk guys i'll be honest i've been struggling w/ my mental health recently so updates usually only happen when im upset and I think that's why they've been so down recently, but i'm hoping to make them happier and i'm working real hard to get better <3


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update <3

Lunch was an adventure, if that’s how you’d want to put. Louise wasn’t acting any differently which set Dan off. He wasn’t sure what he expected to be blatantly honest, but not exactly what she was putting down, there were a lot of suggestive glances held between the three, most of which Phil wasn’t picking up on,

            “So…how was everyone’s night last night?” Lou asked, more to Dan and Phil than the rest,

            “Um…good?” Chris replied, a bit put off by the behaviour,

            “Louise, just cut the shit.” Phil said to Louise, she seemed surprised by the sudden outburst from the typically silent and broody corner,

            “What do you mean Philip?” Louise said, using his full name which made Dan crack up a little,

            “Dan and I. I know you’ve been beating around the bush all morning about us and we’re aren’t planning on talking about it any time soon, especially not in front of these two Neanderthals.” He said, gesturing to Chris and PJ who seemed completely oblivious to the conversation,

            “Sorry.” Louise said, though her mouth was still smiling knowingly, whatever that meant, Dan wasn’t sure.

            Instead he focused on his bag of vegetable crisps he bought from the vending machine. Phil was looking at him, eyebrows furrowed, watching him interact with himself, much less with other people. Phil wasn’t entirely sure what he was feeling when he looked at Dan. It was almost like his heart was leaping from his chest, then back in again. He felt sick but amazing at the same time, and when the crystalline brown eyes looked at him he wasn’t sure he would be able to breathe properly.

            Dan’s thoughts were all over the place that morning, from Phil, to his dad, to his mum, to school, to Louise, back to Phil, it was a never ending cycle and he left him a bit drained. He tried to untangle the stringy mess that was his life so far in this rainy town, first there was the array of rules he had broken, and the decision still held on whether or not he wanted to start following them. Then there was the dilemma about his father, well, step-father, and how he was going to stop it. He knew that telling the police would end in trauma for Alex, and a foster home. Neither of which was desirable. Besides, it’s not like he wanted the man arrested for what he had done, after all it wasn’t his fault that he was addicted to alcohol. Maybe it was…? Dan shook the thoughts out of his head when the bell rang once more, the familiar noise reminded him to put in his earbuds, he made a beeline for the backdoors and traced the outline of the cigarette box in his pocket. He planned to just sit outside and smoke until it made him sick, it was a habit that he had given up prior to the move, but now he was sure that it would be the only comfort he could seek with no strings attached.

            He felt the cold wood underneath him as he sat at the picnic table he had spied upon starting school at the hell hole. His lighter made a clicking sound and ignited the end of his fag. Sucking in the smoke, he felt it fill his lungs, then deflate. Suddenly, a chunky sandal makes it’s way next to Dan’s. He looks up, blowing the drag from the side of his mouth,

            “Hey.” The voice said,

            “Can I help you?” Dan asked,

            “That’s some way to talk to someone who was asleep next to you last night.” Dan’s eyes adjusted and glowered at the black lipstick mouth,

            “Sorry. Just…stressed I guess.” Dan replied,

            “Stressed about what?” His blue eyes were cloudy and dim, his cheeks looked hollow,

            “School stuff.” Dan said, providing any excuse he could,

            “Ah.” Phil replied. Dan awkwardly shifted and looked at Phil,

            “Phil…what is this?” Dan asked, eyes searching his face from any undisclosed desires,

            “This is just us dicking around I guess.” Dan swallows his nervousness, if there was nothing that he had, he had nothing to lose, so why stop himself?

            Dan leans his body forward, and joins their lips together. They move in sync, Phil’s hands pressed to the side of Dan’s head. It seemed like cliché fireworks were going off in Dan’s head, his eyes were closed shut, tightly, Phil’s hands were trailing down his back and playing with the hem of his shirt, they break apart,

            “Phil?” Dan breathes, his eyes closed and forehead pressed to the boy sitting opposite,

            “Yeah?” Phil asked,

            “D’you wanna go back to my place…”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut foreplay ;0

The heavy door closed firmly with a click. Dan gestured for Phil to put his shoes on the metal white shoe rack. His hair was pushed back and his eyes were blown, blue eyese heavily contrasted by the thick black eyeliner and grey steel piercings surrounding his upper face. Dan’s ears pricked up, nervously searching for any audible signs that his father was home. He searched the rooms as Phil waited in the foyer, awkwardly shifting an uncomfortable issue between his legs,

            “We’re alone.” Dan said, a smirk playing at his lips ever so slightly,

            “O-okay.” Phil said, keeping his composure intact. Dan’s hair shifted into his eyes as he double checked that the front door was locked, before taking Phil’s hands, pulling him toward the stairs.

            Upstairs, Dan’s room wasn’t exactly the epitome of tidiness, empty liquor bottles and cigarette butts were strewn across his window sill and there were clothes collecting dust near the end of his dresser. At least his bed was made, he thought, though it wouldn’t be for much longer.

            Phil pushed him against the closed door, hands soft and lips questioning, this confused Dan as they had been much more rough in the past. Dan’s hands grip the sides of Phil’s mesh black t-shirt as he pushes more passion into the kiss. His tongue slides along his top lip and Phil opens his mouth, only to bite Dan’s lower lip. The brunet felt his hoodie being slid off by the boy in front of him, his pale fingers were hanging from his belt loops.

            Suddenly, Dan pushes Phil onto his mattress, hands exploring the vast canvas of ivory and lipstick that he had to his disposal. Their shirts felt hot on their chests, Dan was playing with the sleeves of Phil’s, driving him crazy. He sits up slightly and pulls the clothing over his head, it joins the laundry pile in the corner, along with Dan’s jeans,

            “Phil…I’ve never done this before.” Dan says, lips barely leaving the boy’s now exposed chest,

            “Neither have I.” Phil responds, though it is a white lie, he highly doubted a curious experiment one year at sleep away camp was anything to brag about,

            “Should,” Dan stops to laugh, “I should’ve looked some stuff up.” Phil chuckles in response, nipping at Dan’s neck, which earns a soft moan,

            “I think I’m going crazy over you.” Phil says into Dan’s hair, his arms are wrapped around his neck and Dan is doing unspeakable things to Phil under the tent of his boxers,

            “Good.” Dan replied, and for some strange reason that he couldn’t place, this turned Phil on even more,

        

***

            Phil lay still on Dan’s bed, his arms draped around his warm body, their fingers laced together. Phil’s hair was tickling Dan’s ear but he didn’t want to say anything nor move the sleeping boy. His legs were in between Phil’s and he felt more safe than ever before. Dan felt confused. He wasn’t gay. Then again, having sex with a boy was pretty gay, even for Dan.

            Dan lay awake for some time, thinking about his sexuality, and it occurred to him that he hadn’t thought of his father or heard from him since long before that moment in time. Panic rose in his chest, what would happen if his father came home right now?

As if he were in a cliché film, the front door opens on cue, and there’s a loud crash to go along with it.

           


	13. Chapter Thirteen

 

            Phil awoke with a start, Dan’s mind was playing a thousand tricks on him, and there were more sounds emitting from down the stairs. The lower level of the house seemed to be undergoing construction as Dan rushed Phil to at least put some clothes on to lighten what was about to happen. Struggling with the mesh shirt, and the suspenders, Phil was moving as fast a human being could. Dan’s shirt was back on in and instant and his jeans were sliding over his legs. Just when he thought they were in the clear,

            “Dan you’ve got hickeys on your neck.” Phil whispered, Dan’s eyes widened.

Before he could say much of anything, there were footsteps coming up the stairs,

            “Get in the bathroom.” Dan whisper-yelled, his hands pushed Phil through the doorway and he closed it, hearing Phil lock it from the inside, the door to his bedroom flew open,

            “Daniel.” His father slurred, his face was red and his eyes were raw,

“Hey, what’s up?” Dan tried to sound casual,

            “I came here to finish the job.” Dan gulped,

            “W-what do you mean…” He played dumb, forgetting about his problem in the bathroom,

            “I’ve taken care of your mother, there’s no need to worry about much now.” Dan’s heart dropped, it was then that he realised his father was not drunk,

            “What are you on?” Dan asked, because alcohol had never affected his father this way,

            “I’m sober Daniel.” He inched closer, Dan’s back was pushed against the bathroom door, “What’s that on your neck?”

            “You should know, they’re because of you.” Dan spat, earning a sudden burst of courage,

            “Watch your mouth boy. We don’t need to make this harder than it is.” Two strong hands gripped Dan’s wrists, pinning them against the painted wood,

            “P-please, y-you don’t have to do this.” Dan begged, his courage dissipating in mere seconds,

            “You better not talk back to your father!” Punching Dan in the gut, he cried out in protest, his unhealed bruises ached,

            “Please stop!” Dan cried, the man continued to beat him, then there was silence.

The middle aged man stood above Dan, breathing heavily as he watched the younger boy curl into himself. Suddenly, there was a click, the bathroom door slowly opened,

            “Phil no…don’t…” Dan uttered,

            “Who’s this?” He smiled sickly,

            “Um I-I’m Phil. Dan and I were doing homework…” Dan’s dad looked back and forth from the boys, then left,

            “Later.” He promised, then the house was empty again.

            Dan sat in silence. The shame of who his father really was pressed against his chest and made his cheeks red. Phil’s eyes weren’t on anything else but Dan’s head and there were thousands of questions hanging in the atmosphere. Breaking rules had consequences, Dan realized, and in that moment, Dan didn’t think of his father as any more than a monster, a sickly human with no future. This mindset felt wrong but also refreshing. What had he gotten himself into?

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm currently signed up for the Phanfiction Big Bang and that's why I haven't been as on top of my fics on here as I'd like to be, as I'm pouring all of my time and creativity into my fic, but soon I'll be finished and I can get back to this full time :)


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